Open Question: Im paranoid that theres a stigma about me as someone to avoid because of my past – what do you think ?
before i let you know about my life in general i used to have problems with rage outbursts that im not proud of at all, where id kick off and lash out in public..
this is as a result of severe bullying and abuse throughout my life and bottled up anger and rage.
im paranoid that somewhere in my mental health records its documented about my rage outbursts and angry behaviour & that now everybody has been told im dangerous.
just to say i have made lots of progress with by disorder BPD and ptsd and now im waiting for psychotherapy..
years ago, over 9 years ago when my rage was bad and i wasnt getting help with my problems…i got arressted for an assault…..when in jail i said things to psychiatrist to frighten them and over exaggerate my problems so they would send me to a psych hospital where i would get treatment ..( which i wasnt getting in the community )……
it turned out of been a nightmare at the psyche hospital as i said things to get help and it was not what i thought.
years later im still haunted by that and im frightened theres things documented about me in records and theres a strigma about..
i won a tribunal to get out of the hospital as it was proved i never should of ended up there in the first place and that i said things to get help for my problems.
im 30 now, missed out and suffered greatly throughout life : bullying and abuse etc.
never been employed, never formed any relationships : never got any qualifications: i obviously have a record.
i live alone in a small flat on disability, ive made lots of progress and are waiting for therapy.
i just want to overcome all this and achieve personal goals, leave the uk permenantly : achieve a good paying computer job….live near the sea in a hot country.
but im frightened that theres a social stigma surrounding me and that people are aware of my past, my psychiatric disorders etc..
i dont no this for sure but i accept its a paranoid fear i have : people in the past and in the present can be aloof and stand offish at times.
plus the rage outbursts of the past unfortunatly were all in public crowded places, where i would shout, fight with people…make myself look ridiculous..be very aggressive…lose it etc..
how can i handle this now, because this was years ago and ive moved on greatly since then.
i dont want their to be a stigma surrounding me i just want to over come my distraught past
Tags: disability, health, question, treatment